Wednesday, June 06, 2007

listening to : Wo Xiang Yao Shuo by Evan Yo

finally i spent quality time chatting with most of my nc`clique.
reminiscing about the old daes.
the past seems to be so beautiful that i will never want to let it go.
but that doesnt mean that i dont love my life now.
its just that things are getting more and more complicated and friends are drifting apart.

i feel so empty, its as if there's this void inside me thats been dry for so long. someone said that loneliness is a condition, no one can take it away. you just need to understand yourself better. maybe i have been too busy trying to occupy myself with all my wordly desires i have neglected the voices in my heart. there is this burning passion for something, but i dont know what. this longing and yearning for something, theres this emptiness and loneliness.

things are not the way it used to be anymore. give me back the memories, i promise i will live everything so much better this time round. whie do i confuse myself so much, my actions contradict my emotions. logic muust have ran away to hide, i cant find any rationality anywhere lately. what is it that i realli want, what is it that i realli need?!?

when was the last time i was sincerely happie. when was the last time i smiled from the bottom of my heart. i think its scary when one dae i dont even know myself anymore. will i find myself back and smile like i used to. my friend say the dreams that i have been having lately, it signifies that im lost and afraid. i dont want to admit it but i think that person is right. i have been living my life making myself think im happie, convincing that im happie, but what does my heart feel.

tonight, i lost control of my mind. i have no control over my life, i cant stand on my own anymore.

maybe its time for me to take a break away from here.
i don feel like coming back that soon but i noe i must.
all i need now is to be alone. lying down, looking at the skie/gazing up at the stars, listening to my music. maybe this is the kind of life im looking forward. a simple one will do.